It was four years ago this last week that I wrote the following post on Facebook:
"I have been thinking a lot about this season that God has placed me....from leaving a job that has been the source of ministry and connection for me for over 12 years, to a position that stretched me in ways that I did not think possible....being allowed to spend time with a dear friend before her home going, to feeling the emptiness of not only the holidays but many areas of life without that dear friend....visiting my ailing parents, return from that visit only to have my mom fall and injury herself, celebrating the holidays with my husband and kids, turning around and going back to my parents only to return to say good-bye to my father in law...Monday I step into a new job...with new possibilities and opportunities that are far reaching...Thank you for your prayers and encouragement!!! I am very grateful for this time that God has reached down and given comfort in a way that has changed me.
Those life events set me on the path to photography as I began taking lessons and to see the world through the lens of my camera. It was honestly a hard season. I had no firm purpose. I was without direction. Many of those feeling came from a place of fear...lack of experience...and pride. I was starting a new job and a new hobby both of which I lacked the experience but my enthusiasm was unbridled. I have never gone into situations where I didn't have some knowledge of what I was doing and although I had a great deal of experience with my new job the environment was new and unexplored by me. My thoughts in that were I can love people anywhere so as long as I had that mindset I'd do my very best to love people. How could I go wrong??? The photography was just something I thought I would do to pass the time. To be reflective and it didn't cost much but time and brain matter. I jumped in with both feet and I've not looked back.
Which brings me back to the original Facebook post...Evan has been gone 1 year, 3 months, and 4 days ~ my Dad 1 year. During this time but really just recently I've felt a lack of purpose and direction. Reflectively, as I look back at that post many of the same feelings of that time come back to me as I've taken this "pause" to just ponder what God is calling me to do in this season of grief, loss, and reflection??? I know that there are several things that have been made clear in regards to both my vocation and photography but until that time that it is all made clearer I will continue to pause, ponder and pursue. How are you seeing your world???? What canvas are you using??? I'd love to hear from you.