Touch of Heaven

This morning at maybe 3:30am you entered into my dreams, and that has not happened to me since before the accident. I hung between waking and sleep just because the realness of your presence was tangible. When I finally had woken up I wanted to write all of it down. I’m weeping cause the nearness of you was so real. I could see you and sense you as if you genuinely were here. You were whole. I saw you just like you were before you left to go out with your friends. Nearly clear shaven and haircut like the first photo in this gallery. Your eyes had a smile in them. You held me in the hug that always brought comfort and understanding. You had on a black sweatshirt I remember that you wore and black jeans. I heard you downstairs in the bathroom you were looking in the mirror. You saw me and said I know you don’t think I’m here, but it’s me. You came to me, and you gave me the biggest hug, and you said I know you miss me. I couldn’t speak. I wish I could have said more to you although it didn't seem necessary. You seemed to understand. You seemed to know that I miss you. That all of us miss you. I honestly have not cried as much as I have in the last few days as I have since you died. These aren't just tears this is guttural crying from the depths of my soul. My soul cries for you. Thank you for reaching out from eternity to let me know you understand our longing for you. That you see the longing, your brother has for you. That you know how much you are missed. The ache in my heart is without quenching, but I also am so thankful that you came to me. Thank you for such a great hug. I wish so much that you were here and although I know that cannot be I'm grateful Evan that you reached out from eternity to give your mom a hug and hold me close. Grief has a strange way of showing up in the time and space that you least expect it. Today it took my breath away and I am still trying to make sense of all of the feelings that it brings.


Listening with your eyes....hearing with your heart...

"Storms make the oak grow deeper roots"   George Herbert

This week has been one that really has left me without words but not in short supply of feels....other then the fact that I've been trying to figure out a few technical issues I am having with my computer I've been very introspective. I've not been able to go out much and do much photography just because the computer thing has consumed me....but when I did go out I wasn't inspired...I wasn't moved. Now we all know that we can't always have inspiration...boy I wish we could. As I have sat and pondered the universe and how it is spinning...I have been listening with my eyes...to see the things that have been placed before me and to enjoy them without the need to "capture" them...that does not mean that I haven't captured them I just want to lean in more.....be a part of the spinning universe...to hear with my heart. That said, for today, I will continue to lean in....I will continue to listen with my eyes, and hear with my heart....