Lane Andrew Boicelli 3/12/19

Sometimes you never think that the things you hope for will happen. My friend, Cathy and I have always talked about photography as it is a common passion we both have. Back when I started she and I would joke that if she ever had another baby I wanted to be right in the middle of her birth experience with my camera ready. It of course was a joke but little did I know that our joking would come to pass with her getting pregnant. That I would be prepared in my photography journey to document the birth. So as the count down began I had been prepared for the call since the end of February. Checking in once a week and watching her progress. So when I checked in earlier this week I was excited that she was preparing to be induced if progress had stalled. I checked in with her at 9am on Tuesday and they had just checked-in at Sutter-Roseville. She said she would check back with me in 30 minutes. Inductions normally take some time so I waited to check back in about 10 am.

I got no response from her via text. When I finally got a hold of Brandon at 11:15am he informed me that the baby had already arrived. I had missed the birth…so I jumped in the car and headed to Roseville to capture the rest of the day. Lane is a sweet baby with blond hair and the sweetest disposition. He is a momma’s boy although he calms right down at the sound of his daddy’s voice. He was alert and never once took his eyes off Cathy. He has a big brother, who was cautious at first but before too long was wanting to hold him and a big sister who I believe will nurture and care for him in ways only a big sister can. Lane will have a host of family and friends that will love and care for him always and forever.

Welcome to the world Lane Andrew Boicelli. I am so thankful to celebrate your arrival with your family.

Creation has always been the thing that connects me to the Lord. Since starting to do birth photography it has always been my desire to capture the first sunrise and the first sunset on the day that a baby comes into the world. Sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn’t…God was faithful to provide the opportunity on the day that would be Lane’s birthday.

Righteousness will go before Him to prepare the way for His steps. Psalm 85:13

The Full Cold Supermoon ~ December 2017

When I looked up when the full moon was for December I was excited to learn that the Cold Full Moon is the only Supermoon for 2017. The planets have been busy this year with the eclipse happening this last August. My blog post about that is here

I set out earlier this evening to find a clear spot to watch for it on the horizon. There were a few low clouds so as the moon was rising there were a bit of not only clouds but the atmosphere caused a bit of distortion. I parked along the roadway near an open field and capture a bit of the wildlife as I waited for the moon to rise. it was hard to tell where it was rising from but the clouds started to glow and then I saw a small sliver poke through the clouds. Listening to Christmas carols and thinking of what it must have been like so many thousands of years ago as Mary was expectantly waiting for her son to be born. I'm in awe of the Lord and the beauty He has created for us to enjoy. Enjoy these photos. It was really a beautiful thing to observe. 

Moments in the busyness....Capture 2017

In the busyness of the last couple weeks I was trying to keep my head figuratively and literally above the water line. I saw so many rainbows but on some of the days life seemed to move along with out me even knowing that my life has changed. Last week I spent most of my days busy either at work or just going. I've found the more I go and do the less I stop and feel. In the stopping and feeling moments the weight of my loss is so acute that I can't breath. I want my old life back....with all of its flaws and imperfection because in that it seemed that the pain was far less.....the empty parts of my heart are filled and I don't feel so utterly and completely empty. I often wonder if I would have maybe not wasted my time on insignificant things....would I have looked more deeply....loved more largely....held on more tightly. 

Of course I know the answers to all of those doubts.....the grip that sometimes wants to suffocate the life that I want to live....the today that I am living. When I start to think about my today I begin to breath just a bit more. I see that the sun comes out...that although the loss is great the sun does shine even through the rain and fog. The loss....the sadness....the empty parts seem to find rest. I'm always so surprised how the sadness creeps in but never surprised to hear the Lord bring words of comfort to me. Doesn't change my situation it just gives me the strength to take one more step forward. I seriously don't know how you are suppose to live after such loss but for this moment and of the moments in between...I look expectantly to Him and the beauty that He has created for us. Check out the shot of the hummingbird with his tongue out...amazing.

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!                                                            2 Cor 4:17 NLT

Drying out from the rain....Capture 2017 Week 2

We have been under clouds of rain for the last week and finally in the last few days we have emerged to dry out and be outside. Although the dampness has caused a bit of ground fog it has still been nice to see the sun and although I LOVE the sun there is beauty to be appreciated in the rain and fog.  

The journey I'm currently traveling is a strange one for me. I have moment of great joy and happiness (the sunny days) and moments of such great sadness and tears (the rainy days) with moments of not knowing if I can see beyond the moment I'm in (the foggy days). Now I can use other analogies that are weather related...but these are the ones that are the most fresh....the here and the now moments. I suspect they are no different then what you probably experience on a weekly basis but I've found that I am much more contemplative~ watching...looking...observing. Trying to find Hope at a time when I feel rather lost and out of sorts.

We recently found a few of Evan's writings and I'm amazed at his work. So much depth. It's funny cause I too wrote much during my younger years. I guess we both had a lot of emotion that didn't have an outlet so we wrote. Most of those writings were born of pain and sadness. Evan's too have the same flavor...depth...sadness. Many though are quite spiritual....almost prophetic so to speak. I hope to add them as I post these updates to the Capture 2017. 



My heart never told my brain to have a contingency plan.

Landlines, locked down by strong winds,

pacified by semi-meaningful promises and

dual-fated illnesses, lack the structural integrity to hold out

and the floodgates burst wide.

Even the eye of the storm–mildly calm compared to

the rest of the sorrowful, cloudy night– is brainwashed

into thinking that it has to act as the rest of tempest must:

with vengeance till the last exhalation

and the floodgates burst wide.

Though I've dabbled in sailing and preparing safety nets,

it must've slipped my first mate's mind to prepare

my last line of comfort and consolation.

I am alone. No one can hear me. I am alone...

and the floodgates burst wide.

My psyche is lost in the tide.

I cannot get out.

 By Evan Kenneth Kincade    3/08

God is in the every present.

I have been out sorts since about the third of November. As I look back over the last 45 days I'm trying hard to remember some of the everyday things that I stopped and photographed. On the 4th of November 2016 my life and the life of my family was changed forever. At 3:22am we were woken up to the sound of brisk knocking at our front door. When I looked through the shutters I saw two officers and realized that this could not be good news. Unfortunately it was not.....they told me that Evan had been in an accident and they needed us to come to Kaiser hospital. I woke up my husband and my son and we made our way to the hospital. I honestly don't remember much but some of the things I do remember is waiting what seemed like a life time before we saw Evan. I remember the strength with a bit of apprehension that my husband and my son displayed that day and through out our time in the hospital....and I remember how quiet it was...on the drive the waiting room as we waited to see Evan. It was almost as if the Lord was putting a blanket over us....a tangible protection so to that we did not get to far ahead of ourselves. Anybody that knows me knows that (in my mind) I can go to places no one has gone before but on this day I was under the protection of the Lord who knows and sees all that is going on and I had great Hope about what was before us. Now....does that mean I was not I was totally scared. Was I not worried...OF COURSE I was worried but what I'm saying is even in the midst of being scared and worried....there was calm....quiet....a presence that only God can bring....from the moment I was woken up by the knock at the door and that has remained with me even now. 

The following moments...hours...days...weeks and now one month from Evan's passing have been a blur. So much love has been poured out on us from all over the planet. We have gotten over 300+ cards, along with emails, Facebook messages, meals, flowers...lots of flowers, more meals, hugs, words of encouragement and the list is endless as to the gifts and love that have poured our way. Really to say thank you seems so small for what has been given to us. I don't want to give this illusion that everyday has been rainbows and unicorns. It is not...I have lived in this community for over 27 years and there isn't one place that doesn't remind me of Evan....I cry frequently in public and in private.....but in that I also feel that presence that came to me that first moment when the knocking came at the front door. I hope in weeks to come to chat more about this journey as I've tried to express some of the things I believe the Lord has placed on my heart regarding loss, relationships, investing in people, and walking out our faith in the midst of great loss and tragedy. I hope to take what God shows me through the every day and move it out so that we can pondering together the beauty that surrounds us. I also want to take some of my son's writings and pair them with my photography to create a beautiful blending of two creatives using what has be placed in us to shine a light and send a smile.

To all of you who have walked with us....We love you. You're our tribe and you will never know what a blessing you have been to us. To those of you who know Evan I ask you to not forget. You carry a small piece of him with you and whether he would admit it or not that piece...that love...was Jesus. Love Well...Care often....Don't be afraid to be a zookeeper. 

Fall is knocking at the door.....

The last few days I've been preparing myself for my early wake up call on Saturday. It sort of helps that my husband has been getting up before the birds the last few mornings which is a great motivator. The world looks so different in the early morning hours, before the sun comes up. It as though the world is stretching and slowly rising from it's slumber. As I was sitting out by the airport this morning I felt a bit like an intruder to the peace that surrounded me. No planes taking off, no children scrambling to kick the soccer ball or throw a baseball. Just me and a flock of birds in a far off tree and a lone pheasant. For a moment as I was shooting it felt like I was in the Serengeti like you see in movies...but alas I was in Vacaville, near the Nut Tree Airport enjoying my Peet's Coffee and grasping a hold of the beauty right here. Enjoy the photos from the sunrise today.