Through a Glass Dimly
I’ve been reflecting on the early stages of my grief.
One of the moments that stays with me is a morning at Peet’s.
It was the beginning of winter, and the warmth inside fogged up the windows.
It’s a familiar place. One Evan went to often.
And in those early days, being in places he had been carried its own kind of weight.
I sat there with my oatmeal and coffee, aware of the door in a way I couldn’t quite explain.
What if he walks in?
I knew what was real.
I knew what had happened.
And still… that thought was there.
The windows were fogged from the warmth inside.
I remember trying to look through them, but everything outside was blurred.
And that’s about how it felt inside, too.
I thought I was asking why.
But if I’m honest, I don’t know that I was really looking for an answer.
I think I was just… missing him.
Sitting there in the quiet of winter,
with an emptiness I didn’t know what to do with.
In that moment, a verse came to mind:
“For now we see through a glass, darkly…”
I didn’t fully understand it then.
But something about it felt true—
I couldn’t see clearly,
and maybe I wasn’t meant to yet.
I don’t sit in that same place today.
I’m not waiting for him to walk through a door.
But I can still feel how real that was in the beginning.
Grief didn’t start with clarity for me.
It started in moments like that—
quiet, confusing,
and full of things I didn’t know how to carry.
And grief isn’t only about death.
It shows up in all the ways life doesn’t turn out the way we hoped.
Relationships change.
Expectations go unmet.
Things are said—or left unsaid—that stay with us.
And often, we’re left holding it all without knowing what to do next.
What made a difference for me wasn’t someone giving me answers.
It was having space to say what was actually true…
and being met there without judgment.
That’s the kind of space I offer now.
As a Grief Recovery Method Specialist,
I walk alongside people who are facing loss—
not to fix them,
and not to rush them—
but to help them gently work through what feels unfinished,
so it doesn’t keep weighing on them.
Because healing in grief doesn’t come from time alone.
It comes from what we’re willing to face,
and what we’re willing to say.
You don’t have to do that alone.
“I can say with absolute clarity that this program has changed me.”
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